Looking back

It's a only a matter of days before i get another year to my existence.Like always, its always these moments that i take a ponder to my past.Where i was, am,and next to be.

Life is nothing but getting better.No major regrets up to this moment.Through the very days of my highs and lows,it is to my pleasure to state that i have made it all a learning process, willingly or not.Like a child who is beginning to take gentle steps to life with her wobbly legs, its just something you do and keep doing despite the hated falls.She just don't simply give up walking and decide to crawl forever.

Guess i've been living life pretty much to how i intended it to be.Not that i meant that i was living it to how it is intended to be universally,noe,dats not what i meant.But what i'm getting at is that i'm living this life to at least the correct direction,well, of course not to the exact magnetic bearing, but least i can stand upright and say that there've been no major f-ups so far.Nothing to shout,really, but at least i'm working on a better Chinfoo.Its so habitual now that i constantly knock myself up there right on my skull whenever i F things up.Not a militant perfectionist,but many times i caught me being to hard on myself and i often view that with great displeasure.Probably not many knows that i was once treated for stress.And it used to be a routine clinical visit for me.(now u know).Severe backache,breathing difficulties,migraine,chest pain and the other stress related abnormalities all seem too familiar to me.At least all that is a past.


But just like i said,life is heading to where the sun is rising from ze horizon.I know how the absence of light feels like, and i'm dreaded by it.I've told myself i'm not heading there again,and i'm salvaging those that i love out of that darkness.I can recall how poverty can grab one by his throat and pin him against the wall.Fuck all who said that money is not everything,and i can be the living testimony to shuf that statement down to the very extremes of the stinking drain.The corrected version should instead be that "money is not everything,but many things".And humbly, may i add,if ur cashless, you suck.


Please,please i'm not a terror in making.But let me point out that having cash without the very fundamentals to life eg;compassion, love,friendship is no doubt a leaking pot.You just cant contain it.But having all the love in the world will not save you when in moments of financial trials.Friends?Relatives?Well they all scramble like how an army would in event of gun fire.You repel them like how Ridsect would to nyamuk.Trust me theyre no where to be seen in moments like these.But if you do have someone who sits by you in these trying moments, be assured that he/she is a friend to have.


Reinhold Neibuhr has a famous prayer on things you just cant change in life.And thats when you need to have the serenity to accept it.And i'm living to this when it comes to my dad.All there is left now is the acceptance to the fact that he will no longer be the dad i use to have.I've learn so much from him during those days when he was alrite,and hell,that has been taken away.He no longer what he was,full of wisdom,and constantly suppportive.Well...at least he's still around.At times when he wants to complain about his condition but just cant as he slurrs quite badly,i just told him,-"Yes,I know." I really do.


And there are things to look forward to.It will be these things that will continue to keep me on the go, regardless to how bumpy the ride would be.Dream the biggest dreams.At least when you dream big, you may end up getting something small.Dream small?You may end up with some loose change.So this would be how i would be living my life for the years to come.Now i'm cleared for take off.