Monday, June 20, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Looking back
It's a only a matter of days before i get another year to my existence.Like always, its always these moments that i take a ponder to my past.Where i was, am,and next to be.
Life is nothing but getting better.No major regrets up to this moment.Through the very days of my highs and lows,it is to my pleasure to state that i have made it all a learning process, willingly or not.Like a child who is beginning to take gentle steps to life with her wobbly legs, its just something you do and keep doing despite the hated falls.She just don't simply give up walking and decide to crawl forever.
Guess i've been living life pretty much to how i intended it to be.Not that i meant that i was living it to how it is intended to be universally,noe,dats not what i meant.But what i'm getting at is that i'm living this life to at least the correct direction,well, of course not to the exact magnetic bearing, but least i can stand upright and say that there've been no major f-ups so far.Nothing to shout,really, but at least i'm working on a better Chinfoo.Its so habitual now that i constantly knock myself up there right on my skull whenever i F things up.Not a militant perfectionist,but many times i caught me being to hard on myself and i often view that with great displeasure.Probably not many knows that i was once treated for stress.And it used to be a routine clinical visit for me.(now u know).Severe backache,breathing difficulties,migraine,chest pain and the other stress related abnormalities all seem too familiar to me.At least all that is a past.
But just like i said,life is heading to where the sun is rising from ze horizon.I know how the absence of light feels like, and i'm dreaded by it.I've told myself i'm not heading there again,and i'm salvaging those that i love out of that darkness.I can recall how poverty can grab one by his throat and pin him against the wall.Fuck all who said that money is not everything,and i can be the living testimony to shuf that statement down to the very extremes of the stinking drain.The corrected version should instead be that "money is not everything,but many things".And humbly, may i add,if ur cashless, you suck.
Please,please i'm not a terror in making.But let me point out that having cash without the very fundamentals to life eg;compassion, love,friendship is no doubt a leaking pot.You just cant contain it.But having all the love in the world will not save you when in moments of financial trials.Friends?Relatives?Well they all scramble like how an army would in event of gun fire.You repel them like how Ridsect would to nyamuk.Trust me theyre no where to be seen in moments like these.But if you do have someone who sits by you in these trying moments, be assured that he/she is a friend to have.
Reinhold Neibuhr has a famous prayer on things you just cant change in life.And thats when you need to have the serenity to accept it.And i'm living to this when it comes to my dad.All there is left now is the acceptance to the fact that he will no longer be the dad i use to have.I've learn so much from him during those days when he was alrite,and hell,that has been taken away.He no longer what he was,full of wisdom,and constantly suppportive.Well...at least he's still around.At times when he wants to complain about his condition but just cant as he slurrs quite badly,i just told him,-"Yes,I know." I really do.
And there are things to look forward to.It will be these things that will continue to keep me on the go, regardless to how bumpy the ride would be.Dream the biggest dreams.At least when you dream big, you may end up getting something small.Dream small?You may end up with some loose change.So this would be how i would be living my life for the years to come.Now i'm cleared for take off.
Life is nothing but getting better.No major regrets up to this moment.Through the very days of my highs and lows,it is to my pleasure to state that i have made it all a learning process, willingly or not.Like a child who is beginning to take gentle steps to life with her wobbly legs, its just something you do and keep doing despite the hated falls.She just don't simply give up walking and decide to crawl forever.
Guess i've been living life pretty much to how i intended it to be.Not that i meant that i was living it to how it is intended to be universally,noe,dats not what i meant.But what i'm getting at is that i'm living this life to at least the correct direction,well, of course not to the exact magnetic bearing, but least i can stand upright and say that there've been no major f-ups so far.Nothing to shout,really, but at least i'm working on a better Chinfoo.Its so habitual now that i constantly knock myself up there right on my skull whenever i F things up.Not a militant perfectionist,but many times i caught me being to hard on myself and i often view that with great displeasure.Probably not many knows that i was once treated for stress.And it used to be a routine clinical visit for me.(now u know).Severe backache,breathing difficulties,migraine,chest pain and the other stress related abnormalities all seem too familiar to me.At least all that is a past.
But just like i said,life is heading to where the sun is rising from ze horizon.I know how the absence of light feels like, and i'm dreaded by it.I've told myself i'm not heading there again,and i'm salvaging those that i love out of that darkness.I can recall how poverty can grab one by his throat and pin him against the wall.Fuck all who said that money is not everything,and i can be the living testimony to shuf that statement down to the very extremes of the stinking drain.The corrected version should instead be that "money is not everything,but many things".And humbly, may i add,if ur cashless, you suck.
Please,please i'm not a terror in making.But let me point out that having cash without the very fundamentals to life eg;compassion, love,friendship is no doubt a leaking pot.You just cant contain it.But having all the love in the world will not save you when in moments of financial trials.Friends?Relatives?Well they all scramble like how an army would in event of gun fire.You repel them like how Ridsect would to nyamuk.Trust me theyre no where to be seen in moments like these.But if you do have someone who sits by you in these trying moments, be assured that he/she is a friend to have.
Reinhold Neibuhr has a famous prayer on things you just cant change in life.And thats when you need to have the serenity to accept it.And i'm living to this when it comes to my dad.All there is left now is the acceptance to the fact that he will no longer be the dad i use to have.I've learn so much from him during those days when he was alrite,and hell,that has been taken away.He no longer what he was,full of wisdom,and constantly suppportive.Well...at least he's still around.At times when he wants to complain about his condition but just cant as he slurrs quite badly,i just told him,-"Yes,I know." I really do.
And there are things to look forward to.It will be these things that will continue to keep me on the go, regardless to how bumpy the ride would be.Dream the biggest dreams.At least when you dream big, you may end up getting something small.Dream small?You may end up with some loose change.So this would be how i would be living my life for the years to come.Now i'm cleared for take off.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Love @ Lust
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Love is patient,love is kind.It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.It is not rude,it is not self-seeking.It is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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Honestly, it has been a long while since the last moment i flicked open the Bible.It was rather ironic since i was once so engrossed in reading the Book, looking for guidance to torch the path,in hope to BE a human being.But those moments is unlikely nowadays.Perhaps its because the false sense of security that i'm feeling.You know,the independence that often lead to spiritual destruction.Uhuh,thats exactly where i'm heading.Southbound.
That part of Corinthians was once quoted by someone dear to me.Infact, it often appears to me that it was the utmost profound way to describe love.Having said that, i cant deny that love and God is often the element that i consider the most absurd in my life.These two is often the most confusing,perplexing,tedious and brain draining to deal with.What is love,how do you know its love?What if its just lust in disguise of the love ur so into?We all know that its one fine line.Some don't care,others didn't even know such question exist.
Remembered speaking to a Captain about this highly-inapropriate issue in the cockpit (okay this is a non-standard practice,cm'on pilot ar human too??!!).So what did he tell me bout love?
Its a COMMITMENT.According to him,you don't love someone until you're in for a commitment.Sounds quite heavy,actually.But agreeable nevertheless.But if you run a quick screen on relationships out there,you'll be wondering how many are actually NOT IN LOVE?Arguable.....
So hypothetically speaking, if you're not in love,you're in lust then?Well we shud start telling our partners,-Honey,I LUST You SOOO Much!!!....And define lust please...its an overwhelming desire or craving.Rather,its an intense eagerness or enthusiasm.Pleasure,relish.See how familliar it sounds?Shifting a hypothetical point of view to a practical one, it goes beyond saying that you have to fall into lust before you fall in love?You crave and then you commit.Now at least this is going somewhere.
Well at least this time blogging my thoughts actually shed some light on my confusion.But even having said all that, i have to humbly say that i know just nuts about love and God.They're two but one.Where there is God,there is love.Thats what they say.
Love is patient,love is kind.It does not envy,it does not boast,it is not proud.It is not rude,it is not self-seeking.It is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, it has been a long while since the last moment i flicked open the Bible.It was rather ironic since i was once so engrossed in reading the Book, looking for guidance to torch the path,in hope to BE a human being.But those moments is unlikely nowadays.Perhaps its because the false sense of security that i'm feeling.You know,the independence that often lead to spiritual destruction.Uhuh,thats exactly where i'm heading.Southbound.
That part of Corinthians was once quoted by someone dear to me.Infact, it often appears to me that it was the utmost profound way to describe love.Having said that, i cant deny that love and God is often the element that i consider the most absurd in my life.These two is often the most confusing,perplexing,tedious and brain draining to deal with.What is love,how do you know its love?What if its just lust in disguise of the love ur so into?We all know that its one fine line.Some don't care,others didn't even know such question exist.
Remembered speaking to a Captain about this highly-inapropriate issue in the cockpit (okay this is a non-standard practice,cm'on pilot ar human too??!!).So what did he tell me bout love?
Its a COMMITMENT.According to him,you don't love someone until you're in for a commitment.Sounds quite heavy,actually.But agreeable nevertheless.But if you run a quick screen on relationships out there,you'll be wondering how many are actually NOT IN LOVE?Arguable.....
So hypothetically speaking, if you're not in love,you're in lust then?Well we shud start telling our partners,-Honey,I LUST You SOOO Much!!!....And define lust please...its an overwhelming desire or craving.Rather,its an intense eagerness or enthusiasm.Pleasure,relish.See how familliar it sounds?Shifting a hypothetical point of view to a practical one, it goes beyond saying that you have to fall into lust before you fall in love?You crave and then you commit.Now at least this is going somewhere.
Well at least this time blogging my thoughts actually shed some light on my confusion.But even having said all that, i have to humbly say that i know just nuts about love and God.They're two but one.Where there is God,there is love.Thats what they say.
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